SAR #14056

The human race really is just one big unhappy family. Brad DeLong.

Multiple Choice: A 65-mile section of the Mississippi was closed because oil was spilled into the river from a) a pipeline, b) train wreck, c) barge. The water to towns along the river was declared to be a) safe. 
  
Bad & Worse: A rare polio-like illness has left about 25 California kids with paralyzed limbs and severe respiratory problems. Doctors are sure it is not polio, but are sure it is god-awful, with “the best-case scenario is complete loss of [the use of] one limb, the worst is all four limbs, with respiratory insufficiency, as well.” 
 
Hail Mary: DC lobbyist Jack Burkman is pushing legislation banning gays from playing in the NFL He says the law is necessary because “[i]f the NFL has no morals and no values, then Congress must find values for it.” Quite where Congress might find values or morals was not immediately clear.

Got Milk? In order to get the next 8.8 billion euros in bailout funds, the troika has told Greece it must extend the shelf life of milk and permit certain pharmaceuticals to be sold in supermarkets. My guess is the drugs are made by Bayer and the cows are owned by Deutschebank.

Self-Serving & Protecting: According to the Austin, Tx police chief, a female jogger in Austin arrested, handcuffed and thrown into a patrol car was lucky she wasn't raped like she would have been by cops in other cities.

Cost-Plus Neutrality: Netflix has agreed to pay Comcast for “preferential access” to the Comcast network. Which pretty much means no one can compete with Netflix unless they pay Comcast even more. Step one into the non-future of the level internet playing field.

Asked &Answered: Did political considerations affect the Fed's international bailouts? Yes, of course, what planet are you from?

One Damned Thing After Another: Sure, there's no water in California and our food bills will be going through the roof, but be thankful you don't live in Colorado, where wild hordes of tumbleweed are attacking farms and fences and highways and girl scouts selling cookies outside of pot stores.

New Beginnings? Ignoring US warnings not to get involved, a Russian landing ship with 200 troops aboard is on its way to the Ukrainian port of Sevastopol, perhaps to enforce Russia's threatened boycott of foodstuffs from Ukraine or, more likely, to give Yanukovych safe passage out.

Harem Scarem: Just when Turkish PM Erdogan thought he had crushed the attempts to implicate him in the ongoing corruption scandal involving some of his closest aides, a recording has surfaced in which Erdogan discusses ways to hide at least $1 billion in cash from police working for the prosecutor's office.

Not News: “Free trade pacts were always about weakening nation-states to promote rule by multinationals.”

Once More: Productivity keeps growing, as do corporate profits, but jobs and wages are not. Unless we figure out how to spread the gains more evenly the economy will not generate enough demand to sustain itself. At that point our society will not have enough cohesion to keep us together. 
 
The Long Arm Of The Law: Connecticut legislators are considering a bill that would make it a crime punishable by 2o years in prison for using a drone to kill wedding parties as a weapon in the commission of a crime. 
 
Musical Chairs: Egypt's military junta formally resigned from governing the country in order to let the junta's leader, Field Marshal Abdel-Fettah el-Sissi, currently the defense minister, assume legitimacy by running for the presidency. It's all about appearances.

The Parting Shot: 

 Jolthead Porgy, Calamus Bajonado.