SAR #14205

It seems that Fifty Shades of Grey isn't about politics after all.

"The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter." Paul Ryan has resigned his position as the GOP's “budget maven” and is trying out for the role of 'welfare reformer'. His great newidea is that in return for various social services, the poor will be required to sign contracts to live their lives in accordance with rules and regulations promulgated by Mr. Ryan – including “specific and measurable benchmarks for success... and sanctions for breaking the terms of the contract." Sharecropping, in other words.

Now Boarding: The Libyan government warns the country may collapse as militia groups and government troops clash at the Tripoli airport – apparently they all want to be first in line for the next flight out.

Sizzle: Facebook shares are likely to reach record highs as the market bets on its improving earnings. The company sells billboard space to companies who hope their advertising does some good.

On Being Afraid: Things to worry about, more or less in order: Texting while driving, brain-eating parasites, Publisher's Clearing House, falling out of bed, flying Malaysian Air, pink slime in your hamburger, hospitals, autoertoic asphyxiation as an observer, Paul Ryan budgets, terrorists. 
 
The Quote: “I don’t think I have the mind or the temperament to tell myself stories about the transcendent meaning of suffering in an age of social collapse.” 
 
Close Doesn't Count: NASA, better late than never, released a warning today about the dangers posed by a 2012 solar storm, which could have “knocked modern civilization back to the 18th century’ but didn't. Hey, we're not playing horseshoes here, close doesn't count.

Real Americans: In Tennessee, domestic violence now will earn you a summons. Like rolling a stop sign. No arrest. No jail. No bond. No restrictions. Obviously, in Tennessee, no one cares if you beat our wife. Just like the NFL. 
 
Overkill: Some researchers claim that less than 10% of human DNA has any useful function. I wonder why Mother Nature has wasted so much effort carefully copying endless strands of useless DNA for thousands of generations. I'd even go so far as to suggest that Mother Nature knows something about that 'useless' DNA that we don't.

Blind Man's Bluff: Do not expect the financial establishment – the brokers, the bankers, various CEOs and their politicians – to give you timely warning about the next financial crash. One, it is in their best interest to keep the game going as long as possible, and two, they haven't a clue.

A Man's Gotta Do... A man in Minnesota man shot and killed a teenage girl after she asked him to stop riding his lawnmower in her yard. Serves her right for interrupting a great romance between a man and his machine.

Don't Try This At Home: “The 'we like sex' argument is a winning one, so why are so many people afraid to use it?”

Porn O'Graph: Crashing bores.